from my first poetry reading…

… i didn’t end up reading. some asshole claiming to be “the bukowski of berlin” hogged the spotlight. not her. she wasn’t a poet. she played the role of a hot nude with flour all over herself. i think she normally operates out of oakland.

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the irony…

i don’t remember too many of my dreams, but this one i did. i wrote it down right when i woke up this a.m.

After watching a sporting event in a stadium of some sort, I go down below & am doing a business transaction at a desk in the garage of a condominium. The guy who pays me the money I know vaguely from a long time ago. He picks up a pair of scissors and asks if he can keep them, because it’s only a pair of scissors and he just gave me a couple hundred dollars for whatever he was purchasing. He figures it’s no loss compared to what I already received.I tell him, that’s fine. He tells me he will be out front. I then go through the garage and there are drainpipes and fire sprinklers all around and it looks like a typical basement condo garage, but I can’t find me way out. Finally I run into my brother, my business partner and he is upset I gave away the scissors. To appease him I look for the guy I gave them to, and when at last I find him, he laughs & can’t believe I actually want them back. He gives them to me, along with about $150 in bills and change , which doesn’t really make sense, but I stuff it in my pocket, and on the way back it spills all over the ground. An Italian house painter helps me pick it up. I tell him I don’t need the help. He keeps helping me anyway and I’m worried he’s gonna steal some of the money. I tell him again: “Listen, I don’t need your help!” He insists. Finally I get it all in my pocket & give it to my brother. I then go outside, and there’s this big white cube truck with pink and purple lettering (Dunkin Donuts?)& all kinds of people hanging off the side. I am one of them. I can’t relate to the people. They are all laughing and chanting “God does not exist! God does not exist!” I realize I am only a couple blocks away from my home, so I hop off & on the way back I keep mumbling to myself, “the irony of it all…. the irony…”

Craigslist

I’m in Berlin. I haven’t met too many writers or artists yet.
A friend mentioned craigslist:
“PAY A PROS TITUTE FOR YOUR MEETS AND BE MORE
HONEST ABOUT WHAT YOU WANT AND WHAT YOU OFFER. PUNCHING ABOVE YOUR WEIGHT IS WHAT KIDS DO.”

Okay, here was the ad…

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writer seeks friend…

Hey. I am a professional writer. It is all I do and I do it well, it pays well, I enjoy it, and I only need to work a few hours a week. But the work can get lonely and I do not have any friends who are writers, so it would be great to hear from other writers, professional or amateur. You can be male or female, young or old, any location, so long as you are honest, chatty, interesting and a writer.

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And my reply:

hello,

i just read your message on craigslist. i too am a writer (i write fiction and poetry) & am also looking for someone to hang out with in berlin. i have only been here 1 month & haven’t really met too many people. are you german or an ex-pat? i am from chicago, but have lived most of my life in florida.

anyway, enclosed is my pic. i’m not looking to get in a relationship or anything (just got out of an 11 yr. relationship), but am looking for someone with similar interests & what not… also wanna practice my pathetic german a little.. send me your pic & tell me a little about yourself if you’re interested. looking forward to hearing from you.

mike

In a message dated 15/06/2011 14:57:36 GMT Daylight Time, powers_mp@yahoo.com writes:
** CRAIGSLIST ADVISORY — AVOID SCAMS BY DEALING LOCALLY
** Avoid: wiring money, cross-border deals, work-at-home
** Beware: cashier checks, money orders, escrow, shipping
** More Info: http://www.craigslist.org/about/scams.html

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And lastly, “her” reply:

THINK YOU LIVE IN A DREAM WORLD.

FIRSTLY, SUCCESSFUL WRITERS HAVE STAFF READING THEIR MAIL AND ONLY PASS ON THE SEROIUS INTELLIGENT ONES. THERE IS NOTHING IN YOUR MAIL THAT SHOWS YOU ARE A PROFESSIONAL WRITER.

YET YOU EXPECT THE WRITER TOMEET YOU! WHY ON EARTH WOULD THEY WANT TO DO THAT?
AND WHY ON EARTH WOULD THEY SEND YOU A PHOTO? THIS PERSON IS A PROFESSIONAL WRITER. NOT A PROSTITUTE WHO MEETS MEN WHO ARE LONELY AND BORED IF THEY LIKE HER PHOTOS AND PAY A LOT. IN THE REAL WORLD I DOUBT YOU COULD AFFORD ONE HOUR OF THE WRITER’S TIME. SO WHY ON EARTH WOULD THEY BE HOPING TO MEET YOU OR PROVING THEMSELVES ON LOOKS?

PAY A PROS TITUTE FOR YOUR MEETS AND BE MORE HONEST ABOUT WHAT YOU WANT AND WHAT YOU OFFER. PUNCHING ABOVE YOUR WEIGHT IS WHAT KIDS DO.